Is The Door Locked?

"Is the door locked?" The question was rhetorical. My brother, sister, and I knew that regardless of our response, Mom would be heading back up the sidewalk to grasp the door handle firmly in her hand, twist, rattle it, and then give a satisfied nod. The door was never officially locked until Mom checked it.

What was an annoying little ritual then strikes me as a great life lesson now. Sometimes you just need to believe and trust in something. Striving to question and verify all your life can make you mistrustful and controlling. It can often backfire-precisely like the "shower incident" last week.

Cleaning showers and toilets are on the very top of my Things I Hate to Do The Most list. When I discovered that there was a new product that would handle shower cleaning with the same efficiency I employed, I was thrilled. The gizmo hangs in the shower with a bottle of cleaner. After you step out, you press a little button; there are fifteen beeps and then the wonder cleaner sprays in a circle, ensuring that all the nooks and crannies in your shower are spotless. I have purchased and installed these wonder cleaners in my showers at home. Yet, being my mother's daughter I found myself wondering," How do I know this thing sprays three hundred and sixty-degrees ? I hear the beep, I hear the spray, but I don't see the thing turning."

Resolving to put my mind at rest, I decided to slide the glass shower door just a teensy bit so that I could peer at my miracle cleaner and see if it really worked the way they say it does. There was one flaw in my plan. I did not know which way the spray head would be turning first. This became painfully clear to me quite soon. After slipping the glass door over just a bit and peering toward the cleaner, I received a full spray of suds in my face.

While wiping the shower cleaner off my skin, I had a moment of clarity. This was my "is the door locked?" moment and it went much deeper than soap in my eyes. What I do in my daily life I will tend to do in my spiritual life and this was a graphic example.

When I seek forgiveness from God, I often have an "Is the door locked?" experience. I am repentant; I go to God crying out with shame and sorrow because I know He forgives. I read about His forgiveness daily. I know He has forgiven others. He has proven Himself to be worthy of trust. Yet, when I get up off my knees I look at Him and say, "Is the door locked? Have you really forgiven me for these things? Can I go on now and move forward and leave this behind that locked door, never to be revealed again?"

Both God and I know that it's a rhetorical question. He whispers "Yes!" to my heart but I don't hear Him because I am heading back up the walkway to rattle the doorknob, testing Him once again. Of course the door is always locked and even double bolted. This consistency is lost on me because as surely as my new shower cleaner sprays three hundred and sixty degrees, I will find myself at some other place in my life, rattling that doorknob again.

What fills my heart with hope is that in God's kingdom, it is never too late to make a change and I resolve to do just that. I will trust, I will stop striving and seeking and I will refrain from rattling another doorknob. How much more peace there will be in just trusting that the door is locked.

Posted by Anita Aurit